Eric Hui

This is My Life

https://webspace.utexas.edu/eyh75/P4/Bump-%20P4B%20v2.htm

What was the most difficult in writing this draft?

My main problem was finding focus in my paper. After meeting with Adam and discussing what I wanted to focus on, it was easier to create a thesis and revise the paper.

Focus:

The thesis was clearly stated. I decided to keep the first paragraph the way it was because I really liked how it set up the whole idea of my paper about rationality. I then moved on to my thesis: “I hope to lead a life of compassion geared to decreasing suffering and encouraging others to make rational choices. Regardless of where I am in my pilgrimage, I intend for every step of my life journey to be rooted in my conviction to make society better.”

I felt my paper was clearly focused and maintained my passion for compassion throughout the essay. Every paragraph had clear topic sentences introducing ideas and moving the paper along. I cited relevant quotes from Rinpoche, Dass, and Campbell.

Compared to the last paper, the focus was a lot more clear and defined. I explained myself well and did not leave any holes in the paper.

I give myself a 6.

Organization:

I feel that the organization was the strength of my paper. Most of my peers did not really have a complaint with my organization. However, I did edit my organization to help my flow and to move my thoughts coherently. I would rate my organization a 7 simply because I do trace my passion for compassion and my vision for the future pretty well. Each paragraph deals with one subject, and I use transitional devices to move from idea to idea Overall, the organization of the paper is clear and good.

Flow:

My paper flows well. After much revision and rereading, I think that my flow is clear and there are not much fluency breaks. I did not really use passive voice. I avoided using fluff and deleted the repetition to expand more on my ideas. Overall, my flow is a 6. My language was clear and concise.