Law’s Self Evaluation
Time spent writing the draft: 6 hours, 30 minutes
What was the most difficult in writing this draft?
The hardest component of the draft was organizing my thoughts in a specific way where the audience is able to understand the points that I am trying to make. Also, it was very difficult creating a thesis for a topic that does not really ask a specific or narrowed question. Because of this, drawing pertinent examples from the course’s sources was also difficult.
Throughout the entire draft, a clear point is established and reemphasized. The writer wants to establish himself as a connected leader by learning the three traits of compassion, duty, and patience. The means of doing this is provided by Joseph Campbell’s journey of a hero. The three parts of the hero’s journey are used in the paper to help structure and explain the writer’s point. Sources from Joseph Campbell, Ram Dass, and Chokyi Rinpoche were provided along the way to further solidify points. (6, very good)
The paper was decently organized. There is use of points and subpoints, which may confuse the audience if not properly used. There is a thesis sentence for every paragraph to ensure that no confusion is made and the audience should be aware of what is being written. The introduction draws an example to the author and the conclusion provides good closure by summing up the points. Logical order of the paper was maintained. (6, very good)
The paper reads like a newspaper article—sans the informal aspect. There is a decent balance between short and long sentences that is interspersed in each paragraph. Extra language that was unnecessary was filtered and removed from the paper. Further suggestions would be to create more complex sentences. More transitional words should be used in between paragraphs.
(6, very good)