Connected: Law’s self evaluation

The most difficult aspect of writing this paper was allowing my audience to understand the structure and layout of my paper. I added specific sentences and pictures that should help one understand the logic of what I am trying to express.

Focus

The entirety of the paper is well focused on the author's journey. The first, second, and third paragraphs lay out the plan that the author plans to undertake in order to achieve his leadership vision. The three traits of compassion, duty, and patience are discussed in the context of the hero's journey, which is the main component of the paper's structure. There is also a picture that was added to the word document to act as a visual aide in helping the audience realize the author's plan of action. There were some confusions in the middle of the paper but they were remedied with rearrangements and additions of clearer topic sentences.

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Organization

The paper is organized in terms of Joseph Campbell's Journey of a hero, which includes three parts: separation, initiation, and return. Within this larger frame, the three traits of compassion, duty, and patience are discussed and exemplified with specific examples. Ultimately, each paragraph should build off of the other and leads to a final conclusion.

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Flow

The paper reads like a newspaper article—sans the informal aspect. There is a decent balance between short and long sentences that is interspersed in each paragraph. Extra language that was unnecessary was filtered and removed from the paper. Changes that were made to the paper included a smoother conclusion that connects better with the rest of the paper. The ideas are well-connected and are expressed through the actual physical writing.

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