Critiques by Mary Dauterman

for Emily:

Your idea for the University is very original. I'm glad you included so many photos and examples of Deconstructivist Architecture because I had no idea what it was! You also did a good job of backing up why Deconstructivist Architecture would be fitting for a college campus. My major critique would be on the length of your paper. There might be a little too much information on Frank Gehry. Maybe you could shorten some of your quotes by concentrating on the most important parts of them.

Frank Gehry, a very intelligent individual, attended the Universities of Southern California and Harvard to study architecture; however, the beginning of his career was slow and did not at all hint at his ¿Pritzker Prize future.¿

Revision: Frank Gehry studied architecture at the Universities of Southern California and Havard; however, his career began slowly and was not indicative of his "Pritzker Prize future."

for Garrison:

You obviously did a lot of outside research for your paper, which supports your argument for why UT should remain true to its historical roots. I think the history of Spanish Plateresque architecture and the history of Texas are both important subjects to include in your paper, but I want to hear more about how you want to change the campus specifically. Overall, you paper read very well.

Thus it would be imprudent to construct a campus that did not exemplify the connection to nature that Texas has boasted since before Europeans even arrived in the Americas.

Before Europeans even arrived in the Americas, Texas has boasted of its connection to nature; it would be imprudent to construct a campus that ignored this.

For Pallavi:

You paper was great because it seems like you thought of all questions that could arise concerning planning a university and then answered them. I liked that you compared UT to Stanford since they both are Spanish-inspired universities. I feel your paper is a bit wordy so you might want to go through and weed out unnecessary word—try to figure out what you really want your sentences to say.

(I just took out an unnecessary adverb and corrected punctuation here):

College campuses are a fusion of so many different people all with the same goal, to learn more about some aspect of life.

College campuses are a fusion of many different people with the same goal: to learn more about some aspect of life.

For Liz:

I think your paper is a perfect mix of research and personal ideas. You included many important facts on Le Corbusier (Cinq points, the Golden Ratio), while at the same time showing us your own ideas and ways to apply Le Corbusier¿s stylistic techniques. Your introduction definitely stands out, and I think you did a great job of making us feel like we are experiencing your campus. I also liked your idea to let the activity inside the rooms determine what they look like.

The only thing I found that bothered me was where you used “pointed out” in 2 consecutive sentences. Maybe combine them or use a synonym:

One is pointed out by Ruskin himself. He points out the “contrast in physical character which exists between Northern and Southern countries,” stating that Gothic architecture belongs in the North.

One is pointed out by Ruskin himself, when he says ¿the contrast in physical character which exists between Northern and Southern countries,” makes Gothic architecture more fitting for the North.

For Brad:

This is probably the most Brad-y campus of all time. The way you organized your paper made it more fun to read and reminded me of the “master plan” we read in the anthology looked like. You also did a good job with photo placement, although I would like to see some captions. I really like your idea of bringing art to campus with the ongoing mural. The paper was well written and easy to follow and you really don’t have that much to change.

The thing that made Gothic architecture so popular was that, with these buildings, man was recreating the awe, the excitement, and the wonder that he sees as he observes nature.

Gothic architecture was popular because it recreated the awe, excitement, and wonder man sees as he observes nature.

For Rachel:

I agree with Brad—it’s really cool that you actually named your plan! I also support the idea that our campus plans should pay attention to interior spaces. Your conclusion does a good job of summing up your paper and reminding us of what you want us to remember. The only problems I saw were that some of your sentences are a bit too long. Also, this is weird, but you might want to consider making your website white with black text because reverse print is distracting after staring at it for a long time.

The general transition of the architecture from ancient to modern allows a unique architectural pattern that preserves the comfort of the students, avoiding bizarre academic buildings, but encourages creativity in the students, presenting the unconventional recreational and administrative buildings.

By generally transitioning from ancient to modern architecture, a pattern is created that preserves the comfort of students, avoids bizarre academic buildings, but encourages creativity in the students and presents unconventional recreational and administrative buildings.

For Ashley:

I like your idea of a large Spanish influence. The idea of garden classrooms is really cool. Your paper reads well and makes sense. The only problem I saw was that some of your captions are so small that they are hard to read!

There is only a minor detail I would change in this sentence:

Both Gothic and Romanesque architecture draw inspiration from forms in nature, lending these styles to be appropriate for a campus whose goal is to teach students about the interaction between the natural environment and their own lives.

Both Gothic and Romanesque architecture draw inspiration from forms in nature, making them appropriate for a campus whose goal is to teach students about the interaction between the natural environment and their own lives.

For Trevor:

I like your introduction where you talk about buildings as messages. You brought up some good points comparing old buildings to rigidity and new buildings to openness. I want to hear more about how you will apply postmodernism to your campus (more specifics). As a side note, your blue font was a little hard to read because I felt like the text was jumping at me (call me crazy). I really didn’t see any problems with your sentence structure, but this one was a little awkward:

To ease the normally obvious barrier between manmade and natural, the imitation of nature can be used to create a feeling of fitting in.

By imitating nature, manmade buildings will blend in rather than stand out from the natural world.

For Megan S.:

I really enjoyed your paper. I found myself agreeing with almost every point you brought up. Your introduction was clear and thought provoking, and you did a good job making the reader think about what the best design for UT should be and why. I liked how you brought up the point that architecture from other campuses wouldn’t fit UT’s traditions and past. And about your “green” campus—you obviously know what you’re talking about! I’m impressed! My only suggestion is to watch where you start sentences with “it” (you only did this a few times); this was one of my Jr. English teacher’s pet peeves.

But because architecture provides the backbone of campus, remaining the same as the rest of the campus develops and changes, it is also important to pick an appropriate style.

But architecture provides the backbone of campus; it remains constant as the rest of campus develops and changes, so it is important to pick an appropriate style.

For Megan G.:

Making buildings distinct through details like the ones found in Sutton Hall is an interesting idea. I like your idea of the paths coming out from the main building. The photo examples you used reflect your theme; they were consistently Spanish, but different constructions. Your paper was specific and you laid out your plans nicely.

This was the only sentence that really stuck out as needing some revision:

The red tiled roofs and white stone walls create the component of nature in the buildings that is necessary in order to create the tie between the land and the created.

Red tile roofs and white stone walls add a natural element to buildings, forming a tie between the land and the created.