"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of
my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages
must show."
– First sentence, David
Copperfield, by Charles Dickens
Not expecting more than two hours worth of
entertainment, I watched the movie
“Stranger
than Fiction” with my friends over Spring Break. The first time, that’s all it
was – two hours of entertainment with a good soundtrack. Essentially, the film
was about Harold Crick, a middle-aged IRS agent living an overwhelmingly
ordinary life, who learns of his imminent death. Faced with a limited amount of
time, Harold takes back his life and begins to live the way he always dreamed
of living. Though I enjoyed the movie for what it was at the time, I wasn’t
immediately struck by it. Harold facing his death seemed so irrelevant to my
own life that it had little meaning. However, a few lines of Tennyson’s “In
Memoriam” made my own mortality infinitely more real to me. After making clear
Earth’s indifference toward the survival
of
the other species on the planet, Tennyson asks if “he, shall he,/Man, her last
work…/Be blown about the desert dust,/Or sealed within the iron hills?”.
Though we may be the only sentient animals with a complex culture on the
planet, we too are ultimately at the Earth’s mercy. Our science, our
inventions, our art, our emotions, all the things that make us human are no
defense against the power of time and the elements. Though I had always known
this in the back of my mind, Tennyson’s questioning was somehow able to evoke
much stronger feelings and realization in me than before.
All of a sudden, everything connected – the themes we’d
discussed in class, the discussion of my passion in my second paper, and
becoming familiar with Goethe in my third paper. Thought I have thought extensively
about things I want to accomplish and the person I want to become, I have had a
difficult time initiating the
changes.
Many of them seemed impossible, like constantly pursuing my passion or living
my life like Goethe lived his. However, in “Stranger than Fiction,” I saw
Harold successfully transforming wishful, perhaps impossible thoughts and
dreams into actions. I was energized by Harold’s modest, though meaningful,
metamorphosis. In a sense, Harold serves as a role model for me. Although he
is, of course, a fictional character, his transformation is believable. The
change does not turn him into a superhero or bestow him with special abilities.
Rather he begins the movie living a normal life and he ends the movie living a
normal life, albeit one that makes him much happier. Watching Harold make the
transition has given me the boost to do the same for my own “dream life.” Where
Harold dreamed of learning to play the guitar, developing close friendships,
and sweeping a girl off her feet, I dream of learning continually, being the
most genuine person I can be, and becoming a warm, more naturally helpful
person.
The most important aspect of my “dream life” is the
constant pursuit of knowledge, something I’ve touched on both in my discussion
of my passion and when considering Goethe as my role model. The list of things
I want to learn but have never found time for is endless: I want to learn how
to play a musical instrument, become fluent in a few languages, play in a band,
explore the subject of beauty, learn how to sing, and understand by fellow
human beings among myriad other things. Additionally, the overwhelming feeling
of flow that I experience when I pursue this passion is enough to reassure me
that it is worth doing.
Though I do experience flow when I pursue an interest, I
hope to move beyond my current
capabilities.
At the moment, I do consider myself a learner. However, I hope to reach the
point that school, instead of being a four year march of memorization as it
largely is right now, becomes a journey of learning toward understanding.
Though measured by the same standards of letter grades the difference between
brute memorization and understanding is infinitely large. The one is ephemeral
and does little to inform the rest of my life; the other is forever, helping me
to become a stronger learner in the future and adding meaning and perspective
to other areas of my life. This is another reason I wish to pursue my devotion
to learning – from it I derive a significant amount of the meaning in my life.
As humans, we seek and require meaning to live
satisfying and fulfilling lives. In a sense, it is the meaning we derive from
life that separates us from the rest of the animals on the planet and makes us
much more subject to the evolution of culture – a construct to give meaning and
rules to life – than we are to biological evolution. As Tennyson points out, as
humans we “think,/And act and love,/…No longer half-akin to brute,/…we thought
and loved and did,/ And hoped, and suffer’d.” It is our emotion, our thoughts, our humanness that distinguishes that we are
“no longer half-akin to brute.” Additionally, it is from these things that we
must derive our meaning in life. Where others find meaning in religion, I find
meaning in striving to become “a closer link/Betwixt us and the crowning race” by increasing my knowledge and understanding of the world around me. I feel
like I am becoming the most complete human being I can be. Because of the flow
I experience and the meaning I derive from the pursuit, I am making it a goal
to nurture and develop a life-long love of learning.
This is one quest I would like to pursue with greater
energy and dedication. Like an athlete training for a competition, I feel that
I will need to train for this, gradually building up my strength and stamina.
Goethe’s productive life inspires me to try to learn my entire life, the way he
did. I hope to reach the point where I, like Goethe, can pursue my love of
learning with the burning zeal I feel when working on design.
Another area of my life that I would like to develop and
that I have not discussed before is being the truest possible version of
myself. I want to be genuine. I want to be entirely comfortable with and
understanding of my personality, confident in my words and actions, and in
harmony with and control of my emotions. This ties in closely with my passion
and my overall goal of living the life I’ve always dreamed of living. If I
understand and am true to myself, I will know exactly what it is that interests
me and I will have the confidence and patience to pursue it. By being my
genuine self, I hope as much as possible to transcend all of the roles I hold
now and to gain a more flexible and fluid perspective of the world. I already
feel like I have been moving toward this goal during my time here at the
University. Finding myself without friends and family on which to rest my
identity, challenged in my opinions, and made to reconsider my thinking many
times has helped me loosen my tight grasp on one identity. Now that I’ve
realized I can take the bumps and challenges without worrying about the
possible harm to my sense of self, I am much more free to consider
contradictory or unfamiliar perspectives. I want to continue freeing myself
from the confining roles assigned to me. I know that gradually becoming a more
genuine person, becoming a truer representation of my inner self, will better
enable me to pursue meaningful goals, like a life full of learning.
The last aspect of myself that I would like to develop,
and that I think will be largely a result of following my passion and freeing
myself to be a genuine individual is to become a more caring and naturally
helpful person. Helping
others
is another very meaningful area of my life. On the one hand, I have never found
volunteering through service organizations like the National Honor Society to
be particularly meaningful – those you are helping are so far removed that it
is difficult to see whether your actions were in any way useful. To me, the
most meaningful help I give is to those around me. Whether it is something as
simple as holding a door for someone of listening to the worries of a friend, I
feel the most useful when I am directly involved in the problem solving. I
enjoy helping so much that it pains me when I feel that, because my helpfulness
does not come naturally, I am not able to be helpful enough. However, I think that pursuing my first two life goals will
help me immensely in my hopes of becoming naturally helpful. As Dass explains,
“to be of most service to others we must face our own doubts, needs, and
resistances.” In
a sense, before we can show compassion towards others, we must be able to
“practice compassion for ourselves.” By being comfortable with and true to myself, I know it will be easier for me
to be comfortable around others.
On my pilgrimage during my first year at the University,
the most important knowledge truths I have not been about Biology, Logic,
Literature, or any of my classes. They have not been about my fellow students,
or about the campus community, or even about life closer to the “real world.”
No, the most important truths I have become familiar with are those truths
about myself. The shaping experiences and realizations I’ve had help me to
orient my inner compass and point me in the direction of a life in which I
always learn, be true to myself, and am able to help others.
Word Count
Without Quotes: 1565
DBR Word
Count: 3,031
Picture
Sources
1.
Stranger than Fiction -
http://www.impawards.com/2006/stranger_than_fiction.html
2.
Fossil -
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/megaflood/images/quiz-fossil-l.jpg
3.
Superman -
http://www.ai.mit.edu/lab/olympics/99/cover/superman.gif
4.
The Thinker -
http://www.bioteams.com/images/collaborative_t.jpg
5.
Flash cards -
http://www.homeroomteacher.com/images/flashcards.jpg
6.
Helping -
http://www.change.net/fotos/IMSIhelping72dpi.jpg
