FOCUS
My
thesis was the last several sentences of the first paragraph. I tried
to set up my paper in more detail than normal since the structure was
somewhat different than normal with the use of the face. I am afraid
that my focus may be weakest in the sense that I tried to talk about
many different aspects I would like to develop. I tried to tie all this
in to how I wanted to lead and into what type of leader I would like to
become, but IÕm afraid that I need to work on that aspect of my paper
more. I also hope that my reviewers will let me know if the format of
my paper is too strange or hard to follow and if it distracts too much
from the focus of the paper.
Also, when rewriting, I need to pay
special attention to addressing too many ideas. IÕm not sure that I
focused well enough on a single idea. I especially realized this when I
looked at my word count and realized I had much more that I could say,
but I was already over the minimum requirement by quite a bit. I need
to look to see if I meander a lot when I explain my ideas.
I tried
to tie in literature from our class and some from my own research, but
I need to be sure that all of it contributes directly to the thesis.
ORGANIZATION
I
actually accidentally used headings and sub headings, though IÕm not
sure that these contribute to the organization. I hope that they help
make my paper clearer to any readers. The sequence that I used should
have started with something I felt was important and continued in the
direction to what I felt was most personal to me. I tried to do this
while tying in the face parts metaphor, but IÕm really worried that the
whole thing might turn out to be a mess. I need to go back and clean up
my thesis so that I am sure that the logic of my sequence is apparent.
I
definitely need to work on my transitions to be sure that since my
layout is nontraditional a reader can still read my paper in an easy,
interesting way. I believe that my paragraphs are focused, though I
also remember several details that I need to take out to be sure my
final draft is unified. IÕm not sure if the intro is inviting,
though I have changed it several times in hopes of making it
interesting. The conclusion may be tacky. IÕm really afraid that it is
and need to reflect on this further and pay close attention to otherÕs
input.
FLOW
I felt that my flow was fine when writing it, but
when I reread my paper from a detached observerÕs perspective, I saw
that I do need to improve my flow in several areas. I use too many
words/pronouns that are NOT clear or direct and will need to revise
these to make them specific examples. I didnÕt intend to use any fluffy
language, and do not see any when I read it. However, I think that my
reviewers comments will help me with this because it makes sense to me,
but may be redundant to someone else.