FOCUS
I
feel that with my more concise thesis sentence, I improved on the focus
of the paper. I am still worried about several of the suggestions I was
given, but could find no way to incorporate some of the suggestions
without starting from scratch. I am also still really worried about the
distraction of the painting, but I felt that it should be left in my
paper in order to allow me keep the reader's attention.
I also worked on linking my paragraphs more thoroughly, which hopefully improved on the focus of each section.
Rating: 4
ORGANIZATION
I
did use headings and subheadings, and the order seems logical to me.
When my reviewers wrote about my organization there were several
concepts that I had not intended to be a central part of my
organizations that kept showing up. I tried to go back and revise these
areas so that my message is conveyed more precisely. I am still worried
that my message may not be clear enough, but I do feel it has improved
from my first draft.
Rating: 5
FLOW
My flow within
paragraphs is a little better, but my flow between paragraphs was a big
problem for me. When I wrote my first draft it seemed to make perfect
sense to me. When reading my reviewers' comments, though, I saw that
this was one of my weakest areas. I am unsure if I should include
traditional transitional sentences in my paper since it is organized
slightly differently than normal. I intended for my paper to be easy to
read in any format (as a normal hard-copy paper or online) and thus the
transitions presented me with a big problem. I couldn't decide if
adding transitional sentences would seem disunified within the context
of the single webpage on which each paragraph is placed.
Rating: 4
P4B Self-Evaluation