The Surreal Forty Acres

by Ben Toscher

Grand hugs goodbye

As if I were to die;

Parents checked out, I checked in.

Eighteen years spent in preparation

For this experience with the future of the nation.

Here I am and now I’m here,

For what’s in store I feel no fear.

Follow the White Rabbit[i]

It is around ten-o-clock on a warm August night. My roommate, Christopher, and I give each other looks of confusion; what were we to do on the first night of our new independence? We party of course. Our close friends Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo decide to make a visit to our inner intestines as we become happier and rowdier. I decide to take a brisk walk outside in search of a social gathering while Christopher decides to go to the arcade.

As I swagger down the street “a white rabbit with blue eyes ran close by me.” [ii] The creature is none other than a beautiful young Texan who is dressed up for a party. She “looks at her watch”[iii] and says aloud “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!”[iv] I interject and ask “And where would a cute bunny such as yourself be heading on this evening?”

With a bright smile she replies “To the Easter bunnies and Bees with honey party but of course. But you’re no bee so buzz off!” She then departs in a hurry. The rude bunny appalls me, but I do not resist my primal urge to party with blonde women in bunny outfits. I proceed to follow the bunny into a West Campus apartment building.

The Pool of Beers [v]

I am a stranger in this new environment: one filled with giant Bees and nimble Bunnies. I’m instantly approached by a six-foot tall bumblebee that promptly tells me to leave the premises, but in a more vulgar manner. “This is a free country,” I respond to the big bee.

“Right,” he says, “so you won’t mind me and my buddies tossing you in our trough full of beers.”

I, of course, protest the bee’s idea, however he has alternative plans. His fellow bee friends buzz on over and proceed to pick me up and lift me over their heads. My strength was no match for theirs and they carried me over to the beer trough. I look around the party and see the rest of the bunnies and bees having a grand time, as I am suspended six feet in the air. “Enjoy your flight,” says the powerful bee as I am thwarted into the pool of beers. I hear a loud clank and my vision proceeds to tunnel. I fade to black.

Dice with a Catepillar [vi]

I awake to find myself lying in between the buildings of Jester City Limits and Jester East. I feel the back of my head and notice a rather large bump. I can only recall the moment when I was thrown into the metal trough the previous night. My current location and the enormous lump on my head are frightening. I stand up and walk inside Jester East, my dormitory, to find a caterpillar shooting dice against the wall. “Who are you?”[vii] asks the caterpillar. I am confused to see this talking caterpillar shooting craps in the lobby of my dorm. I inspect him closely and realize he is actually a caterpillar, not a student in an animal costume like the ones the night before.

“I’m Ben… I think. I’m pretty confused, I woke up just outside the lobby and now I’m talking to a giant caterpillar.”

The caterpillar replies “No need to be confused, Ben. It’s well known why you and I are both here.” I have no clue what he is talking about. “The answer lies in the dice. Cast the die and let your purpose be known. All questions are answered and all answers are questioned with the throw of the die.” I still have no clue what he speaks of. “What is it that you want answered, Ben?”

“This isn’t normal. I want to be normal again.”

“With the roll of the dice your problems can be solved. Roll a one through six and your worries be gone; roll a seven through twelve and you owe me five bevo bucks” [viii]replies the Caterpillar.

“Why not,” I say as I grab the dice from the caterpillar’s hands. I toss the dice and a five shows up. “Hooray,” I shout “now make things back to normal!”

“As you wish.” The caterpillar proceeds to slug me across my face, pull out my wallet from my back pocket and remove all the money. “There you go,” he says, “things are back to normal. Once again you are a poor college student.” I learn my lesson and decide to never gamble again.

I make my way up to my room and proceed to fall face down on my bed. I close my eyes and try to sleep, but thoughts keep running through my head. I wonder if I’m really at UT. It was just six months prior when I was clueless as to where I would spend the next four years of my life. I get up and look outside my window. To my surprise I see the entire UT football squad practicing thirty feet in the air above the Darryl K Royal Memorial Stadium.

The Longhorn football team was the king of this school. It appeared their ascended status in the sky symbolized their dominant status here on campus. It made me feel bad about myself. I started to feel insignificant. I began to question how I would make my mark at this school. It was obvious these football players had a higher purpose; but what is mine? The sleep to come is well needed for my important advising session the next day.

The All-Knowing All-Smiling Cat

I wake up at nine-o-clock and start heading to my advising session. The Gebauer Building was my destination. I began my journey to the Liberal Arts headquarters. The events of my first two days of college have left me feeling a bit awkward and confused. Not only had I been assaulted twice, but people were strangely turning into animals. I feel as if I am in a totally foreign world. I think perhaps advising will make me feel more comfortable in my strange new world.

I arrive at GEB 2.201 to meet Sarah, my advisor. Sarah is a cat. Sarah is always grinning. I am utterly confused by the presence of this very human animal.

“Hello” I say cautiously.

“Well hello there, Benjamin! Welcome to the University of Texas! And welcome to Austin! Where we are all weird!”[ix]

“Right. Sarah, I have to tell you, I feel very lost. I see this whole University in front of me, all the different colleges and majors, all of these teachers, and I have no clue what to do. Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”[x]

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,”[xi] replied Sarah. “I see you are registered for Sociology 308C with Professor Kurtz. He’s quite weird. You are also taking American Creativity with Griffin,. And Environmental History of UT with Bump. Quite the weird array of teachers you have.”

“Is there any teacher here who is not weird?” I ask.

“We like weird around here in Austin. Everywhere you visit will be weird.”[xii]

Sarah continues to hold a bold, bright smile[xiii] on her face as she informs me of the weird teachers I will be learning from. Sarah is quite cheerful, which is an asset to her job. She must deal with concerned students, such as myself, on a daily basis.

“Anyways, you look good. You’re on track to graduate in four years. You’ll be guaranteed to have a weird time too.”

“Tell me about it,” I say ‘You’re a cat with a big smile whose telling me about my classes.”

“I could be a cat without a smile telling you about your classes. Or I could be a smile without a cat telling you about your classes.”

“That would be even more weird.”

“I like being weird because I’m an Austinite.” Sarah’s cat body starts to fade out, yet her mouth and smile remained. “I must get going, for I am a busy person. I have faith in you Ben. You should believe in yourself as well.” And with that Sarah’s remaining smile vanishes. I felt better about my class situation at UT, but I was still felt like I was in a foreign world, taking advice from vanishing cats and all.

The Wise Turtle of the Biology Ponds

I started exploring the campus as an effort to get used to what would be my home for the next for years. I find that the “forty acres” is immersed in the beautiful wonders of nature. The trees themselves are very rustic and ancient. The thick winding branches embody hundreds of years of existence. The shade they provide under the hot August sun remind me that they have experience on these grounds and they were here before myself.

I encounter the lovely biology ponds, a pristine field of grass located next to a pond filled with several live turtles and several fake ones. Unlike the animals I had previously encountered on my journey thus far, these turtles are normal. They are six to eight inches big and they don’t speak English. That is to say they are all normal, except the five-foot turtle I find sitting on the edge of the ponds. I approach the animal with less caution than I normally would, as I have come accustomed to running into strange human creatures on this campus so far.[xiv] I sit down next to the turtle and he looks over at me.

“Heelloooo,” the turtle says very slowly. “My name is George. Who are you?” The turtle’s slow pace of speech is very frustrating to me.

“I’m Ben. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you to,” says the turtle slowly. “Listen.”

I pause for a minute and try to listen, but I do not hear anything. “What are you talking about?”

“Just listen.” The wind begins to pick up and the leaves of trees brushed against each other. “The wind howls, the leaves blow, the blades of grass move, yet we persist.”

I contemplate what the turtle has said, and while it makes sense, I fail to grasp the significance. “So?” I ask him.

“Why don’t you ever just listen to what’s around you?”

“Because I choose not to,” I reply, “I’m normally to busy with something else and I only listen what I want to listen to.”

“Such selective hearing will result in you missing a lot in this world. You need to soak it all up.”

“And if I choose not to? Can I not choose to do what I want, when I want? I’m on my own now, there are no parents to stop me.”

“You don’t need parents to stop your impulsive decisions; you need awareness to help you make the right ones.”

I think about what the turtle has to say for several minutes. I still have no idea what message he is trying to convey.

“Listen to what is around you. You can hear everything, all of the elements.”

I try open my mind and let all of the stimulus around me enter my brain. I close my eyes and for several minutes, I feel free. I am a part of nature and the noises around me fill up my mind as if it were a blank canvas.

“Now,” says the turtle, “do you realize how much there is out there? That every single molecule around you is responsible for the noise you are hearing, yet you may attribute it to a simple concept, such as ‘wind’?”

“I understand.”

“Understanding this, do you also understand that it is up to you what you hear? The boundaries of this world and University are non-existent, how you define your time here is up to you. My advice to you is take your time, look around you, and make your decisions wisely. ‘We can remain quiet and choose which thought we wish to attend to.’”[xv]

I finally understand what the turtle has been trying to teach me. I now understand the control I have over my time here at UT. I choose to adapt a new philosophy and examine all that is around me and make the decisions I truly feel comfortable with.

“I understand now, turtle. Thank you for your patience with me.”

“No, thank you for your patience with me. Not often does my lesson take hold, normally you freshmen just brush it off and go on your busy way. I suggest you check out Waller Creek, I believe you will appreciate it there.”

I take the wise turtle’s advice and head over to the ancient limestone-lined Waller Creek.

Red King Reflections

The walk to Waller Creek is a peaceful one. It allows me to collect my thoughts and really contemplate what the turtle had to say. I gain a new perspective as I am walking. An overhead view of my path in life appears in the back of my mind. On this map, I see my actions and the consequences that ensue. I understand the causality of life. Everything I eat, drink, and say has an effect outside of myself. It occurs to me that I need to keep this perspective in my life; for if I know how my actions affect people, I will be sure not to do anything harmful.

I see myself walking very gracefully. My strides reflect my new appreciation for time and the consequences of it. I see the thoughts behind every footstep of mine. The intricate neurochemistry that fires in my brain to make me merely walk inspires me to appreciate my life and every free step that I can take.

As I come upon the famous Waller Creek, I notice there is a Red King, one similar to that in a deck of cards, meditating next to the creek. I slowly approach him. I am only ten feet away when he opens his eyes and turns around.

“You made it,” said the King, “I’m glad you made it.”

“Do I know you?” While I do not know the Red King, I’m actually quite relieved to see a human looking figure; it’s the first one I’ve seen since my rough incident at that house party.

“I am the Red King, but you can call me Bump. What you see before you is seventy million years old. This creek has been here long before you and I.”

“I can feel the power of the creek,” I tell Bump. “But why is it the Turtle has sent me here?”

“Ah hah, the Turtle. Do you always do something when someone tells you to do so?”

“Well, uh, sometimes.”

“And how do you feel when you do this? Do you feel in control of your life? Are you in control of the fact that a giant Turtle told you to come to this here creek?”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe my life is out of control…”

“Hahah,” chuckled Bump, “You’re missing the point of the lesson you just learned. Stop and think. You made the right move to come here, don’t just accept my reasoning and believe you are in the wrong. Sit back and observe, and then act appropriately.”

“I need to stop conceding so easily,” I tell Bump. “It’s time to make my own decisions.”

“I’ve just met you and I already like you, kid. I must leave now, however, I suggest you sit and listen to Waller Creek. It has some important things to tell you. Whether you listen and what you take from it is up to you. This is your life.”

I contemplate what the Red King has to say and decide to meditate in the Creek. I simply breathe. I focus on the air molecules entering through my nostril, down my air channels, and into my lungs. I become one with nature. I quickly grow fond of meditation and the relaxation it offers. I make a promise to myself to do this often in my four year stay here at UT. Slowly, Slowly, I drift back into unconsciousness.

Snap Back to Reality

I awake to find myself lying in the bed of my dorm room. I sit up and look over at my roommate Christopher.

“Homie,” he says, “are you alright? You just passed out man; your flight must have been exhausting. How bout we start this year off right and take some shots.”

I sit there and think. Was all I had experienced in my first few days of college but a dream? Had I been out for just ten minutes and lived an elaborately bizarre college experience? The idea of taking shots prompts deja-vu.

“How about we go for a walk instead?” Chris shrugs and agrees.

As we are walking outside a white rabbit with blue eyes crosses our path saying aloud, “Oh dear! Oh Dear! I shall be too late!”[xvi] I stop the rabbit in her tracks and look her in the eye. I want to ask her where she is off too, but instead offer her some philosophy to chew on.

“The party will still be there without you, but would you still be here without the party?”

The bunny looks back at me and replies “Huh? I don’t get you. You people in Austin are weird. This is why I go to OU.” The bunny goes on her way.

I turn to Chris and ask him what time it is. “It’s 10:12… and OU STILL SUCKS!” Chris finishes the punch line for me. I’ve only been in Austin for a few hours, and I already love being a Longhorn.

Word Count: 2,997