My Never-Ending Passion

 

             There are many aspects of my life that I am very passionate about. The most important of these is being a leader. Leadership created my character, and molded me into the person I am today. The people who have been directly involved in my life, and all the places I have gone have affected the path I choose to follow. They have influenced me to outshine others, and to become a role model. Some of my experiences have been difficult to overcome, and others have been the best experiences of my life. All the things I have enjoyed the most throughout the course of my life influence my biggest passion: leadership.

             In my lifetime, I learned to take over as a leader. I found out what being in charge was at a very young age. My parents counted on me, as the only girl that they had among four boys, to assume adult responsibilities while they were at work for the day. Both of my parents had to get jobs after they saw how hard it was to make ends meet. Our own mother was never really around long enough to take care of us. She had a night job, so we always had opposite schedules. I was then I relied on to do everything she was not able to do because she wasn’t home. I took care of my brothers like a mother would care for her children. I cooked for them, I did their laundry, and many other tasks a mother does for a household. I still try to guide them, and show them how to do things, to be there for them. I believe my mother eventually realized how mature I had become from the responsibility she left me with on a daily basis when she wasn‘t home. To this day, my mom has to remind me quite often that my job as a mom is over. I feel like this job taught me to be in control, and to get things done. I came to the conclusion a few days ago, that in reality, everything I have done to assume leadership roles has come from the fact that I learned how to take on responsibility very early on in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my family and I at Church.  Picture by Edgar Espino, he is in the family, just not in the picture. Someone had to take it!

 

 

              

             Leadership has been a part of my life since I was very young. However, I didn’t choose to be a leader until I was in grade school. The first major responsibility I had was basically something I had to do, I had no other options. I realized that I loved being in charge very early on. I was different from other kids because instead of sitting in the back of the classroom and avoiding conversation with my teachers, I sat at the very front, and had an answer to every question before anyone else. I chose to outshine many of the other students. I discovered my lack of patience very quickly and the fact that waiting around for people to tell me what to do was not for me. Now I like to seek out new things to try out, and if I like them, my job is then to convince other people to do them also. I find myself doing that when I’m at work. I like to try new ways of getting a task done, and then communicate with everyone else around me so they can also try it. This is one of the ways I still insist on being the frontrunner even though I am not in grade school anymore.

             When I was in high school, I took on many leadership roles. I was the Drum Major for my marching band two years in a row. This, to me, was my most important job in high school. I felt very privileged to be in charge of a group of people who are also very much leaders themselves. I felt like any sudden mistake could cost me the respect I earned from my peers and my band directors; first of all, I worked very hard to gain the position, and second, I worked even harder to keep everyone striving for perfection. I could not afford to lose what I worked so hard to gain! Being the head of the group has always given me a sense of worth. I feel like if don’t have something to do, or anything to be a part of, I am wasting myself away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me looking over my band. Picture was taken by Walker Norvell: school photographer.

 

 

 

             I was also involved in many other activities, one of which was PALs, Peer Assistance and Leadership. This program gave me the opportunity to work with young at-risk children, to be a mentor to them, and to motivate them positively. As a PAL, I saw many children like me, because even I had many traumatic events throughout my life. When I was five years old I was sexually abused, and I never had anyone to tell. I also suffered much mental and physical abuse from my parents. Being the head of a family didn’t necessarily mean that my life was perfect. It was far from that. These stages of my life have been the key motivation for me to want to change the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My best friend Amanda and I during PALs class. Picture by anonymous PAL child.

 

 

 

              I also served as an officer for my class my senior year, which showed me how much people noticed my dedication to leadership. This role was important to me because it meant planning all our fund raisers, and special projects. I had a part in our graduation ceremony; next to walking across the stage, this was a highlight of my night. I was able to do for the last time what the class of 2006 knew me best for: being a leader.

             Now that I have been in college for a over month, I have realized just how important being involved and active in groups is to me. I felt very homesick for a few weeks after I moved here, because I felt as though I had no place here. My friends are all back home, and my family, the most important thing about my life in Fort Worth, is there too. However, I have also realized that my being here has much to do with the people in my life, and the places where I grew up. They have all affected the decisions I have made and the course of my future. I have decided that no matter what career path I decide to take, I want to be remembered years from now as a positive role model, and active leader in my community. I “dream”(82) of becoming a broadcast journalist. But not just your typical reporter: who writes their story, broadcasts to the world, and then nothing else. I would like to be one who does things differently and makes people notice. I think my time in front of millions of people should also be used to educate people, and to share my story with them. I want to be a role model to my peers and become well known not just for doing a good job as a journalist, but for my contributions to the community as well.

             One of my many aspirations is to form an organization that helps young people overcome the difficult stages of life that many people cannot relate to. As many people as I always had around me in my lifetime, the horrible things I had to experience I just did not talk about. Keeping these secrets to myself led me into a deep depression as a young girl. The depression wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk; it was because I was afraid. I was afraid that I would be blamed for all the bad things that ever happened to me, much like I was blamed for not doing things right. During these rough times, I felt like a completely different person; I felt so alone.  It was utterly amazing to me that my own family did not see these stages throughout my lifetime. I managed to stay strong by focusing on school, and involving myself in activities that required for me to not be home. I played sports, and joined after- school activities. The more involved I was, the less time I had to be home, and I also had the chance to be myself, to do what I loved to do. After years of involvement, I was finally ready to become more than a member; I wanted to be in control again. Later on in life I was finally able to talk about what had happened to me. It was a relief for which I had yearned for so long. This feeling is unforgettable; it is a feeling of freedom, and of control over my own self. It was the feeling of victory over the people who had ruined my life and took advantage of me. This was a chance for me to talk and not be ignored. I want children to be able to experience this feeling like I did. I would like to become some one that young children can count on when no one else will listen, or when they don’t have the time to listen. I want other kids to grow up knowing that there is hope. When I accomplish this goal, I will feel like I have helped once again, and that by following my lead, people learn to be confident.

When I thought about what I would say to some one when asked, “What is your dream?” the first thing I thought in response was, “to be the first to do something that changes the world. I want to be able to help the world more than I can help myself, and dedicate as much time helping people, as many people dedicated time to help me.” I feel like I owe my success to everyone who has been a part of my life. I owe my success to the people who affected me negatively, because even without these people I would not have had anyone to prove wrong. I would not have been as motivated, driven. 

              I believe that we never stop growing as leaders. Leaders set the tone for the future of our families and everyone else.  This university is full of passionate people like me, which was also very strange to me, because I was not used to being amongst people like myself. I was so used to being the only one with ambition. However, I have started to mix myself in, and become a part of this university. From the conversations with the students, I came to the conclusion that I am not different from them. We all share many things in common. Many of the people that surround me here are also some of the first to attend a university in their families, or are the first child to move out of their homes just like me. Students like me who are having a harder time adjusting to college can support each other and make this experience worth it. We are paving, leading, the way for the future of our families. I have yet to find an organization for me to become a part of, but I know that avoiding communication with other people is not like me. This city is about expressing individuality; not taking advantage of expressing my self is not an option. I have to come out of the bubble I blew up when I got here, and explore. I have to make the effort to build strong relationships with the people here, gain their respect, and work hard to some day become the leader of a group on campus. After graduation we are expected to become leaders in our work fields, in our churches, wherever we go. We must keep growing.

             I have discovered that leadership is my passion, it is my utmost desire, which is “connected” together by all the different passions I have. They make me. I have mentioned several times that everything I have done throughout the course of my lifetime has made me who I am. The early responsibility, my active contributions to my school, and the people I grew up with were my passions, together they formed my biggest passion: being a leader. They are “connected” (73) together to form my character.  They have “hammered [me] into unity” (both quotes 73). I am the person I want to be, and I will keep growing into the successful person I want to be in the future. I will continue to offer my opinions and my knowledge to people. I will continue to volunteer, and to take charge, because that is who I am. This is what I am best at. It’s what I love to do.

 

*All quotes are from the course anthology “Explore Texas”; Bump, Jerome; volume 1.

**2,089 words