EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SUMMARY By: Betty Chen        Why are some people with the highest I.Q. not able to function in simple social situations? In the book, Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman he explains some of these phenomena’s that have people in wonder. He breaks down the novel into five separate parts beginning with the emotional brain and ending with emotional literacy. Throughout all parts of the book, Goleman uses scientific research to support many of his ideas and theories.        In part one, he starts explaining how passions overwhelm reason or in other words an emotional hijacking. Basically, a hijacking occurs in an instant, triggering this reaction crucial moments before the neocortex, the thinking brain, has had a chance to glimpse fully what is happening, let alone decide if it is a good idea (Goleman 14). That is the probable cause to many of the horrendous murders, rapes, and kidnapping’s that we get a glimpse of daily on t.v. The cause of the emotional outbreak usually gets the fight or flight response before the rational brain has even registered the event. I think it’s interesting then how some people can be categorized as prominently thinking on the Meyer Briggs test. Goleman believes that these people on the extreme ends of the thinking category lack emotional feelings because they have either damaged their amygdala or have had it removed completely. He describes the inability to gauge the emotional significance of events, affective blindness (Goleman 15).        Unlike part one, in part two Goleman show us how emotions are crucial to success in life. He starts off this section with the oxymoron, when smart is dumb. I didn’t comprehend it when I first read it until after reading David Pologruto’s savage attack story; then I gained a deeper understanding of this statement. At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces (Goleman 34). The other 80 percent refers to the emotional intelligence that some prodigies lack. In Asian culture, many times good grades are stressed in life to succeed. In Chapter 6, reviews suggest that Asian-American children may have an average IQ advantage over whites of just two or three points…many Asians-Americans behave as though their IQ were much higher…. the reason seems to be that from the earliest years of school, Asian children work harder than whites (Goleman 80). In my case, this is very true because I think that my parents have always wished the best for us by reinforcing that good grades will earn you a good job which in turn will make you very successful and rich. It’s very black and white for the Asian culture as they keep motivating you, but they don’t even think about the emotional factors that go into play with all the pressures to "succeed" in their eyes. In support against my parents rational, most men with the highest test scores in college were not particularly successful compared to their lower-scoring peers in terms of salary, productivity, or status in their field (35). This just goes to show that not every valedictorian will be "street smart" nor earn a better salary. Yet, growing up as my parent’s daughter I know they would rather have me work hard to be that valedictorian regardless of the other factors observed because they want what they think is the best for me.        Then what does constitute emotional intelligence that Asians readily need? Interpersonal intelligence seems to be one of the answers because people who make an excellent social impression, for example, are adept at monitoring their own expression of emotion….(Goleman 119). The four components of interpersonal intelligence are organizing groups, negotiating solutions, personal connection, and social analysis. Taken together, these skills are the stuff of interpersonal polish, the necessary ingredients for charm, social success, even charisma (Hatch and Gardner 118). I agree that these would benefit any book smart person because you deal with the people on a daily basis, and most would rather be treated as a human being instead of as an object, which is the critique of many doctors today.        In chapter 11, Goleman reiterates the doctor’s lack of emotions by suggesting that people’s emotional states can play a sometimes significant role in their vulnerability to disease and in the course of their recovery (Goleman 165). If this theory proves true then the lack of emotion’s doctors shows actually hinders the recovery rates of their patients. Doctors, Asian students, and many other categories of people need to fine tune many of their social skills to truly succeed and be happy in life.        In contrast, chapter five describes how some people show too many emotions sometimes letting these emotions disrupt their everyday life. Goleman does this by describing the nature of emotional intelligence through passion’s slaves. Many times when my brother’s and I get into an argument my anger swells up long before I have time to think with a more compromising line of thought. That’s because anger is the most seductive of the negative emotions….unlike sadness, anger is energizing, even exhilarating (59). Interestingly enough, ventilating anger is one of the worst ways to cool down: outbursts of rage typically pump up the emotional brain’s arousal, leaving people feeling more angry, not less (64-65). Therefore instead of venting at my brothers next time, perhaps a safer alternative is going for long walk… so do relaxation methods such as deep breathing and muscle relaxation…( 63).        Yet, sometimes these battles can’t be won when one doesn’t really tell another of their true feelings. Chapter 8, Goleman starts to illustrate another difference in the Asian culture dealing with social arts, showing emotions. There are several kinds of display rules, one is minimizing…another is exaggerating… a third is substituting… comes into play in some Asian cultures where it is impolite to say no, and positive (but false) assurances are given instead (113). I think in the case of Taiwanese culture it is the exact opposite. Many times when we receive gifts of any kind or money we are supposed to politely say "no" until they insist that we take their gift. An example of Ekman’s display rules, though, is clearly shown in the movie Joy Luck Club. In this movie, the mother of an Asian girl had prepared laboriously for hours over some tofu. Even though the tofu was tasteless, everyone boastfully appraised it as being the best that they had ever tasted. The funny part comes in when the American, who doesn’t substitute or mask his feelings, pours tons of soy sauce on it. I think it’s extremely detrimental when kids can’t express their true feelings because many times with a lot of practice of substituting your feelings you are confused on which one is the real emotion and which one is the surrogate.        In part three, Goleman enforces that displays of emotion, whether good or bad, be attempted especially in relationships. The problem in many break ups and divorces is the lack of communication about their emotions. It seems that girls are exposed to more information about emotions than are boys (Goleman 131). So if our bases of emotional education are so different how does one propose the likelihood of even communicating? Goleman suggests that men not sidestep conflict but to encounter it…they need to be on guard against short-circuiting the discussion too early (141-142). As for women, the advice is quite parallel…to complain about what the husband did tactfully so not to criticize them as a person, but out of the context of her love for him (142). I think this is quite ideal for a relationship since both genders tend to deviate toward their ways for the most part. Men don’t always have to be from Mars and women from Venus if we just learn the artful skills of tact and compromise about everything in their lives, especially emotions.        Just as couples need to seize the moment to empathize and show their emotions, part four labeled Windows of Opportunity stresses the importance of the critical period in our childhood by informing the reader that parents need to seize the early years of a child’s life by instilling emotional competency into them. The emotional abilities' children acquire in later life build on those of the earliest years (193). The first three or four years of life are a period when the toddler’s brain grows to about two thirds its full size…during this period key kinds of learning take place more readily than later in life---emotional learning foremost among them (195). Then song by Michael Jackson illustrates this ideal. He starts off with, "I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them the beauty they possess inside, give them a sense of pride……" I think it’s very fundamental that we educate our youth about their emotions and their capabilities. As the song implies the future of our country is in the hands of the children, therefore it’s important that they have good mentors and role models to look up to.        The consequence of bad role models is illustrated in Part five. The chilling story of Khalil Sumpter shows how emotionally illiterate he was. If he had been educated properly by good role models, he would have realized that just because people pick on you doesn’t give you the right to blow out their brains at point blank level. Yet, again Goleman has suggested another solution to enraged children like Khalil who don’t know how to manage these outbursts. One of the key skills for anger control was monitoring their feelings---becoming aware of their body’s sensations… and to take those feelings as a cue to stop and consider what to do next rather strike out impulsively (238). Another example of the consequences of emotional illiteracy is depression. While some of the tendency to depression almost certainly is due to genetic destiny, some of that tendency seems due to reversible, pessimistic habits of thought that predispose children to react to life’s small defeats….---by becoming depressed (240). Many times when parents neglect their children because of work or other obligations, children automatically feel rejected and sad by their parents behavior. If the parents can’t help the child cope with day to day problems the child won’t know how to handle all these conflicts all at once when confronted with it therefore leading to withdrawal or depression. I recently had a friend who tried to commit suicide because he was depressed. I think the lack of support and acknowledgment of his problems from his family and friends contributed to his drastic attempt of ending his life. I think it is extremely important to help a fellow person when they are in distress whether severe or not. I think until today all my friend needed was an ear to talk to and someone else to share his burdens in life with because all his life his mother and stepfather were always too busy to care for him. One of the most tragic costs of emotional illiteracy seen mainly in women’s lives is eating disorders. Society places these images of beautiful super-models that are very skinny, thereby sending the message to girls everywhere that to be beautiful you must be super thin. A study that was done with more than nine hundred girls…a failure to tell distressing feelings form one another and to control them—were found to be key among the factors leading to eating disorders(247).        Last but not least one of the prominent solutions to dealing with overwhelming problems in colleges all across the nation is resorting to drinking and drugs. With all the stresses of school and life in general, students who were never emotionally balanced or very high strung discover that alcohol will calm the anxiety (254). Again there is a ray of sunlight at the end of a long storm, as Goleman emphasizes that we need to follow the logic of prevention, offering our children the skills for facing life that will increase their chances of avoiding any and all of these fates (256).        Goleman leaves us with a profound last word by stating, "But given the crises we find ourselves and our children facing, and the given the quantum of hope held out by courses in emotional literacy, we must ask ourselves: Shouldn’t we be teaching these most essential skills for life to every child ----now more than ever? And it not now, when? We all have witnessed or experienced problems arising from lack of emotional competence whether is was through a relationship between you versus your significant other, sibling, parent, professional, friend, classmate, and many other ties in your lives. I think Goleman has presented many interesting thoughts that we all have thought about but not as thoroughly. We need to take some of these theories to heart and try to make a difference by educating others in this matter. In the end, I think everyone would benefit from some type of emotional lessons especially as we approach the millennium.