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Peer Advice
Chrissy
Alexander, Feb 28, 2001 10:38 PM Great story and the use of a poem. You did an excellent job conveying and describing your intense feelings about rain. I love it when it rains but only when I can stay in the house. I remember the big rainstorms we would have at my house growing up. We would open the doors and listen to the drops falling all around, the wind whipping by and smell its familiar fragrance. It was a little frightening but beautiful and wonderful at the same time. Make sure you read through once again to catch any grammatical errors. I think I remember one place that needed a coma. Great Work. Kristine
Ramirez, Feb 28, 2001 06:08 PM Wow, good paper. I think that you described your favorite aspect of nature very well! I especially like how you tied in quotes as well as described in full detail what the rain does for you. You did a thorough job in describing what you like the most about the rain and why it is your favorite aspect of nature. I also liked your poem and how you ended the paper with that; it really added a enthusiasm! Andrea
Decuir, Feb 28, 2001 02:11 PM The rain is a great part of nature. I would have to say that I totally agree with you on that part. Your poem really made me think about how much rain can be. You story flowed very well. I really enjoyed when you were talking about the movies. It really helped me visualize your feelings. It was a great paper. Armando
Saldana, Feb 28, 2001 12:40 PM I really liked your essay on the beauty of the rain. I totally agree with you in that the rain has an unrecognized beauty. Playing in the rain was fun to do as a child and I really donít know why I don't do it more often now. I also like your poem at the end; it helps to understand your true meanings. Your descriptions were nice and painted a good picture. Meg
Rodman, Feb 28, 2001 11:22 AM I
feel exactly the same way about the rain. I have slept with my window open fo
the past two nights just to listen to the rain coming down outside...it is what
makes me completely relaxed. I love the metaphors that you use of rain as music
or a symphony. It gives me not only a clear picture, but also allows me to
almost hear it while I am reading the description. You have a good combination
of detail, personal experience, and examples in this story. The example from
Instinct triggered my memory and made the picture of what you were depicting so
much clearer. There is nothing I would add or take away...this is a great
project! Sarah
Brisiel, Feb 28, 2001 10:50 AM I must say... I am impressed. This essay is one of the best that I have read. You captured exactly the feelings that you have concerning the rain and allowed your readers to experience them somewhat. You explained specific situations in which you have experienced some deeper level of feeling or thought and you described these situations in descriptive but not over flowerily language. Your paragraphs flow well from one to another and my interest was kept the entire time. The thoughts that you express are unique. Not everyone can find beauty in the rain and I think it is great that you can. This is a great essay in my opinion and I really can't think of anything that could improve it. Good Job. Greg
Wood, Feb 27, 2001 09:56 PM Ryan, I love your portrayal of rain for you. There were a couple of typos, and by the way, Anthony Hopkins was in Instinct not Sean Connery. Your imagery and detail is beautiful. The poem at the end was very nice and a great ending.
I like the way you used descriptive words to describe the rain. This gives me the sense of actually witnessing a rainstorm. I also like how you shared your personal emotions that are linked with rain rather than just explaining what aspects of rain you enjoy. I too share the enjoyment of falling asleep to rain although in Austin in makes me a little sad because I feel really alone. I like to share this enjoyment with other people. You also did a good job of adding in quotes and the poem to fit your essay. You have done a really good job of organizing your paper and there does not appear to be any spelling or grammar mistakes. The only suggestion I have for you is to maybe make your story a little longer by giving one avid memory you have of the rain or your first memory of enjoying a rain storm. Le
Nguyen, Feb 27, 2001 09:32 PM Great job! What you wrote is beautiful. The poem is a nice touch. You did so well describing rain. You urged me to see rain in a whole different light. You not only described it but you also shared your feelings, how rain affects you, and you made various neat comparisons. As far as mistakes go, you missed a couple of words.
The
rain really sounds like it means a lot to you. I like to watch and play in the
rain too. It is a very relaxing thing to do. I can remember a lot of times when
I stood out in the rain to enjoy it, rather than run for cover. I thought your
paper was really well organized and your poem was a good summation of your
paper. I like the sound of rain when it hits a tin roof. It sounds really
relaxing, especially when I am stressed out. I know what you mean by the rain
transforms stuff too, after a big rain storm a river would form in desert behind
my house, when the river dried up I could still see its path carved out in the
sand. It gave the different colored dirt and sand a marbleized look. I really
don't know how to improve your paper because I think it is really good. Nga
Tran, Feb 27, 2001 01:33 PM Wow! You did a wonderful job describing the rain and the intimacies that you share with it. I liked the addition of the poem at the end. It added a lot of creativity to this project and acted as a great conclusion. There are a couple of things that I want to point out that are pretty minor. The "then" in the phrase, "nothing more peaceful for me then to walk through the rain", needs to be changed to "than". Just be sure to go through each sentence more carefully when you do it the second time because it's hard for me to catch everything. Good luck on your next one.
This was one of the most enjoyable papers I have read so far. I liked your unique idea of doing the paper on rain. It was a meaningful and insightful paper. I especially enjoyed the poem at the end. It was a nice way to end the paper by making me think. To improve, try to avoid using the same word in a sentence. Also, the party about "being corny," I think maybe you should change; it made my mind lose focus on the paper for a second. Mark
Wilson, Feb 26, 2001 02:33 PM I found that your thoughts as well as your encounters with rain were very insightful. I could tell that they were really well thought out before you began your writing process. Your quote from Emerson fit perfectly with your paper and seemed to compliment your ideas also. But I found that your poem about the rain to be the most enjoyable part of your paper. You did a really good job with making your poem rhyme, yet still making sense at the same time. Every line had its own special meaning. You ended the poem with a strong and meaningful finish in the last stanza. I enjoy the rain too, so I realize its importance to you. Good job. Betsy
Koch, Feb 26, 2001 01:03 PM I thought that this project was extremely innovative. You wrote about a different twist on nature, rather than just one encounter you had. I also find much truth to your project. It is really something I can relate to. I LOVE to be in the rain as well. Another aspect worth mentioning is the poem you submitted. It makes your project so much more artistically diverse. For improvement, I really do not have much advice to offer. Maybe a more original or clever title? Sarah
Bryant, Feb 19, 2001 02:49 PM Your
paper was very creative and insightful. The only mistakes that I noticed were
easily correctible ones. I suggest that you just need to slow down and proofread
a little more carefully. For instance, in one sentence I think you meant to say
sea but you spelled see. As I am sure you know, that can be a problem with
relying on spellcheckers. Secondly, the sentence which read " If you have
seen the movie Instinct with Sean Connery and Cuba Gooding Jr. you should know
exactly what I am talking about." needs a comma in front of with and
another one after Jr.. That is my advice. Mary
Cantu, Feb 19, 2001 02:46 PM Ryan, I love the way you personify the rain in may different ways. I, too, am a big fan of rain. When I was little we would run outside with joy at the site of rain. I remember it used to rain so much that (in the farm I lived in) there used to be big deep puddles and we would go in there for a swim. I know that there was gross things in there because one time we saw a water snake, but like you said...we shouldn't care because worrying about things will not let us experience the full extent of the nature of rain. Maybe someday you will end up living in a place where it rains all the time. You of all people would greatly appreciate that. In the summer time it rains here pretty often. I was here this summer and I carried an umbrella almost everyday. Malia
Davis, Feb 19, 2001 02:35 PM This project was easy to relate to. Simply being able to get your feet wet can be so rejuvenating to the mind and soul. You just have to put the world behind you and savor the moment. Rain has this majestic melody that I love to listen to. I can relate with your thoughts because I love to listen in nature. Xiomara
Sanchez, Feb 19, 2001 02:35 PM Ryan, the poem was a clever, nice touch. I think your essay is really good. it talks about one aspect in particular in nature instead of a story, like most people wrote about. I definitely agree about how rain makes you sleep better. My brothers and i have always kind of had this obsession with that. I loved your first body paragraph that talked about how musical rain can be. That was really unique and interesting the way you described it. I also really liked how you discussed how the rain soothes your soul, no matter what was going on in your life. i could really see what you meant and relate to it. I really enjoyed reading your paper.
I completely understand the peace you feel in the rain. I never sleep better than when there is rain falling outside my window. Water is a symbol of cleansing, and I think it is interesting that in these days when people worry about what happens to their clothes or hair in the rain, you were still able to see it that way. I don't, however, wish that it rained everyday, but I can see how much you love it. The poem at the end was a good addition to the description you gave. James
Weaver, Feb 19, 2001 01:04 PM Ryan, I could not agree with you more about rain. Rain is a blessing and is required for this earth to function. I liked how you added the Emerson quote. He is somebody who would agree with you on the subject for sure. Also, it is very nice how you added the poem to finish your thoughts. However, Raining at least once a day seems like a little too much for me. As proven in places it rains constantly, rain can depress you. My advice to you is to love when it is raining and love when it is not raining. As long as you stay happy, that is all that matters. The weather does change.
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