ntroduction: This short tale is adapted and inspired from Lewis Carroll’s Alice and Wonderland. I have translated several characters and themes to a story that is loosely based on my experience as a freshman at the University of Texas. Just as Carroll’s scenarios in his book seem random at times, my tale also nears the random neighborhood once in a while. The story continues in black print, while my annotations (comments) are in blue print.

I was bored on that golden afternoon of May. I was a high school senior days away from graduating, and schoolwork was the least of my concerns. Although I had to take a quiz in forty five minutes, I was not studying. Instead, I was enjoying the tick-tocks as precious minutes to study were dwindling away, like each lovely little leaf that fell from the large oak tree shading my nest in the grass. I was afflicted with a terrible case of “senioritis.” After the holidays, the leash never returned to the collar of my whims, fancies, and distractions.

At that particular moment, I was torn between watching the plump squirrel and watching the plump pigeon go about their business.

All of a sudden, a flash of white darted through my idyllic state of bliss. The scampering streak instantly ignited my curiosity, and I took off like a bull with gas. Before I knew it, I was way off-campus. As the little white puff bit the corner sharply and disappeared from my sight, I vowed then and there to catch him.

Although the creature at left is not the creature I was in pursuit of, the photo wonderfully exhibits the magical quality of a white, small, furry creature when seen wild in nature. It is very exciting. Albino squirrels are particularly rare, and have even developed somewhat of a cult following on the UT campus. Both white squirrel and rabbit elicit similar reactions the same way from an easily distracted individual. Alice follows the rabbit because it is an alternative to her state of ennui, and she also is a particularly curious girl. Interestingly enough, her intelligence in Wonderland is not valued but instead ridiculed. And I thought this was a really cute picture.

At this point the locomotion of my legs was way ahead of my senses. Before I knew it I was falling down a dark hole (shown at left). I became accustomed to the sensation of weightlessness and was hypnotized by the blurring walls- but not once did I consider what was below me or where I might land.

Both Alice and I fall down the hole because we have made up our mind that we will catch the white one no matter what. Once Alice gets her heart set on something, she will follow it through, no matter where it takes her. Although the fall down the hole in both stories represents the consequences of leaping before looking, it also is an example of courage and determination.

By the time I graduated from high school I was more than ready for a change. I was bored and ready for novelty, independence from my parents, and nonstop action. Even to this day, I sometimes lack the discipline to let the white squirrel go and resume my studies. This is the first of many examples of distraction and the innumerable paths the mind can take.

When Alice is falling down the hole, she also fails to consider what lies below her; instead, she is fascinated by all of the various items on the shelves. When she picks up a jar of orange marmalade from the shelf and opens it, it turns out to be empty. The marmalade jar is a metaphor for something not being what it seems. Alice is the perfect candidate to go through this world because she is a blank slate for each character to illustrate a negative characteristic of human nature.

I landed with a THUD. The pitch blackness soon gave way to a long hallway, and darting towards infinity was that little rodent (seen at the end of the hall at left). The squirrel soon disappeared- and I stopped running, gasping for breath.

Another recurring theme in Alice, Robin in Longhornland, and life is the fact that things are not always as they seem. The hallway of doors Alice and I encounter represents a few things. First of all, a door likes to represent opportunity. In this case, however, there are countless identical doors that are all locked. Alice and I are frustrated because we expect them to be open. But it turns out that the best door is not immediately obvious. When every door appears to be locked, it is important to keep your mind open to windows, holes, or velvet curtains (in Alice’s case).

I followed the white squirrel through the very last door. The chilly blocks of concrete made a point to ignore me. Each building was a hollow skeleton of long, cold, reflective hallways. I did not know where I was, what I was doing, and felt very alone. I walked and walked and felt as though I was walking in circles. I passed the same prison-like gray cubes countless times, until all of a sudden, a formidable structure appeared out of nowhere, a towering pinnacle that touched the sky and miniaturized the once fearful gray army. It glowed orange against the pitch dark sky. I was immediately drawn towards it, unconscious of any other rational feeling or thought.

I began to float towards the neon brilliance like an insect to a light. I desired it like a rainbow; in search of the end of it, or in this case, in search of an entrance. Exasperated, I slumped down on the steps and began to cry. I cried and I cried, not simply because I couldn’t find the entrance, but because I felt abandoned altogether. Now I wished I was back in high school, lazing before a quiz. I was plumb tuckered out. I did not know where I was and began to wonder where I was supposed to be.

When I first set foot on the UT campus, I felt lost. Every building looked like the next, and I was convinced I was walking in circles, and could not find the right building for the life of me.

Although I had seen the UT tower before, it had a profound effect on me that day. I was so lost and confused and frustrated with the campus that I just headed towards another building, when out of nowhere the tower just appeared right in front of me, towering so high. The way it just appeared totally caught me off guard. I did eventually want to go inside, but I wasn't crying because I couldn't get in. I started to cry after a tour group accosted me and asked if I was alright. It was so miserable.

Suddenly an energetic, bouncing group set its coordinates to my resting place. I quickly tried to hide my tears, but to no avail, seeing as though they were in raincoats, properly outfitted to harass me. An oddball assortment of individuals, I quickly assessed it was a tour group. The awkward arrangement of fascinated women and men armed with fanny packs and pamphlets each were easily twice the size of the little tour guide fireball who was rattling on and on I didn’t see how he was breathing at the same time.

The tour group that accosted me when I was upset was very similar to the random animals that meet Alice when she creates an ocean of tears.

Without alternatives, I tended to follow the crowd when it came to certain choices. The idea of “college” in that certain environment I could not rationally make choices. I forgot everything that I valued morally; I found it remarkably easy to consume without thinking about the consequences. The stressful consequences of such habits started to affect my academics, and I let myself become very stressed out before I decided to do something. In the midst of the identity crises I was having, who should scamper by but that damn white squirrel. Immediately my self-pities vanished as I tuned in to this creature. I tried to approach it, but it seemed very upset and in a hurry and darted off. Why did I startle him? I didn’t do anything.

After being rejected by a squirrel, I became very depressed and lonely. I headed towards Sixth Street to relish in anonymity and wallow in my sorrows. Then I stumbled upon a rather unusual fellow. Posing with no pants, he looked like an insect with his nappy, long black hair and aerodynamic black sunglasses with opaque, rainbow lenses. I peered into these hypnotizing ovals and saw someone I didn’t recognize, with a huge head and tiny body. I felt out of proportion, odd, and out of place.

.I was in the midst of an identity crisis when I encountered Leslie downtown. Although having a slightly different effect than the caterpillar on Alice, it is fascinating how someone, something, or even some words can completely change your outlook. Both the caterpillar and Leslie brought very different mindsets and thought processes to Alice and I. While Alice couldn't appreciate the simplicity of the Caterpillar's questions "Explain yourself, who are you?" which forced Alice to look at herself in the mirror, I could appreciate the simplicity of Leslie's words. I finally figured he said "Don't worry, be happy." And then he just continued on his way in his leopard coat and, well, lack of pants.

I think he would have had a similar effect even if he hadn't said anything. His disposition brought my mind out from the gutter and made me throw away all of the sorrowful thoughts and just enjoy the day, say hello to a stranger, and feel happy to be alive.

Alice cannot explain herself because of all of the things that have happened to her she questions her physical and mental identity. While the caterpillar is not the most nurturing, his attitude is appealing because Alice is becoming annoying and needs to get over her self. Like Alice, I often feel insecure with my appearance and feel like my mind is muddled.

In desperate need of advice of any kind, I ventured into the realm of the great Advisorini, which I had heard so much about from peers. So I decided to seek advice about what I was doing and where I was going. The doorman to the tent led me inside and said that the great one would be with me shortly. As I looked around the small room, I noticed a list on the wall that listed various questions one is NOT to ask the great Advisorini. My heart sunk, for those were the exact questions I needed answered! Refusing another denial, I asked her anyway. She was like the Cheshire cat Alice encountered: weird, elusive, and frustrating; and told me that all options were crazy, and we were both crazy, in fact we all are, mwahahahaha . . .

The great Advisorini, besides being extremely elusive in her answers to life's questions, did give me some great advice. It was a quote from a book called Alice in Wonderland. I was so moved by it that I could not stop saying it to myself over and over:

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go?”

- "Alice"

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to?”

- "Cheshire Cat"

“I don’t much care where.”

- "Alice"

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

- "Cheshire Cat" from “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll, Ch 6

After receiving this information, I realized that I really didn't care where I went; especially because I didn't even know who I was anymore. So I closed my eyes and spun around until I fell down- then stood up, and began walking. By this point, I had certainly met more than enough sad excuses for acquaintances. But little did I know there were several more characters in my future that would teach me the hard way how life can be sometimes. I was walking down this path, and at this point I had absolutely no idea where I was. I continued to walk until I came upon El Mercado Mexican restaurant, which always seem to pop up on me at the most random places and times. For most of the afternoon I had been noshing on mushrooms, which practically have no nutritional value whatsoever- no wonder I was ravenous! I walked in and took in my surroundings. There were a few couples here and there. Then, at the giant banquet table I noticed three girls that looked very familiar. Then I realized they went to junior high school with me! I was ecstatic to see some familiar faces, so I bounded over. What were the Three Amigas (as they liked to call themselves) doing here in Longhornland? I was about to take a seat and greet when one said,” sorry, there isn't any room here."

"Are you joking?" I asked.

"No, sorry," then she turned to the other to giggle. I was irritated and confused. I felt like I was in third grade again. Ridiculous verbal abuse ensued. I finally had enough and left El Mercado. I decided to go out the back door, and found myself in a beautiful garden.

For a 9 year old, Alice has a lot of guts to stand up to a large rabbit and a hatter, both who are crazy and openly express their repulsion towards Alice's presence. If I was nine (instead of 19) when I experienced Longhornland, I definitely would not have the courage to defy these intimidating girls. The behavior of the three girls in my tale and the behavior of the March Hare and the Mad Hatter instantly bring to mind so many childhood experiences. Interestingly enough, this sort of teasing still persists on the college level.

When I came to UT, I had the idealistic notion that the fears, pressures, and insecurities of high school would vanish and everyone would be nice to one another and everyone would live happily ever after. I had no idea that by going through rush would lock me into a claustrophobic group of people who partake in this extremely childish behavior while simultaneously see themselves as mature. While boys in fraternities may openly treat one particular guy badly and tease him incessantly, they are not afraid to admit it and will go ahead and say exactly what they mean to his face. In fact, from my experience, boys in fraternities frequently behave like the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. Their impolite remarks are so direct and blunt that they almost seem less offensive as a result. Girls, on the other hand, instead of direct communication lead some poor girl to think they are her friends and then turn on her. So much of girl behavior is so artificial.

On a lighter note, The Hare and the Hatter revel in absurd humor, which is comical. The Hare and the Hatter's bluntness contrast to Alice's earnest attempts at righting situations. If Alice were a real person, I might be embarrassed for her because she humiliates herself by trying to correct the Hare and the Hatter when they couldn't care less what the "correct" answer is or not; as a result, they just laugh at her and make fun of her.

For example, the Hare offers Alice some wine. Alice says that it is uncivil to offer wine when there is none, and he replies that it wasn't very civil of her to sit down uninvited. Then he says that she needs a haircut, and again, Alice responds with an instructional tone on what is proper. He responds with a completely absurd question with no answer "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" And Alice takes them seriously, saying that she thinks she can guess. The whole time, the trio is mocking her. A similar following conversation involves a watch that does not tell the time but the day. The reader learns that the date is May 4. Alice simply does not understand their humor, which fuels their teasing.

As the beautiful greenery calmed my agitated nerves from the girls at El Mercado, I happened upon the football field and noticed all of the UT football players in practice jerseys in a huddle, all scrambling over something. Curious to find out what they were up to, I walked up to the group.

"What's going on?" I asked. The shortest one with a sharp cowlick quickly volunteered to explain.

"Jerry and Kevin were playing with Coach's collector's football from the 1953 super bowl and they busted it! Now they're trying to patch it back together with Elmer’s glue."

I would have thought it was funny, except I was really getting homesick, and missing my friends. "Why is everyone here so weird?!" I said to myself. In no time, the football players forgot about the busted football and started railing on each other, all competing to see who is better because of their position on the field or their playing time. Then everyone jumped as Mack Brown yelled at the Football team to "GET OVER HERE!" from across the field.

I looked closer to see the ALBINO squirrel standing nervously next to Mack!!

The Football players are all trying in vain to cover up something that is impossible to cover up. The situational morality becomes quite different when there are a number of similar individuals involved. For example, all of the football players are large and dressed in the same uniform. Although I'm sure Mack Brown probably knows each player on an individual basis, it is a representation of the large body of people and the morale of that large body. Who do you blame, and how do you go about blaming and/or punishing? One thing that really surprised me when I first came to Longhornland was the pervasiveness of cheating. Frequently, there were so many students in one class that there was no way to monitor each student's activities. Besides that, on the part of the student, he or she knows that coming forth either to confess to cheating or to report it is rarely worth the consequences when so many people are involved. The administration has to be fair in dealing with academic violations, and in effect, several schools are employing the zero tolerance policy- which often rules out any examination of fairness or unfairness but simply asks yes or no, and punishes accordingly. Perhaps in a more intimate environment the teachers would have a better handle on the assignments completed by students and the performance of individual students. I'm basically speculating, but this issue of individuality v. the masses at UT was a rude awakening for me. Along similar lines, In Alice and Wonderland, the card army under the rule of the queen don't have it so good. They also hastily attempt to cover up a mistake (wrong color roses) they made. Although the cards are all very similar, they become embroiled in a debate over hierarchy. The cards try to assert themselves over one another to claim superiority. Like the football players, in essence there is very little difference, but human nature brings us to differentiate ourselves.

The absurdity of the trial in Alice reminds me not of UT in particular, but the justice system in general. Although I cannot offer a better solution, the random animals and birds that make up the jury remind me of the inevitable chaos that always seems to ensue when people in general gather and try and execute something orderly. Groups of people together sometimes look very awkward. We are these strange ape-like animals with different cloths and metal sticking through ears and noses, and wear foot coverings with points on the end which make it very difficult to walk . . . while the trial in Alice is absurd, people are quite absurd as well.

I watched the albino squirrel proudly stand next to Mack, as he started talking. He was saying my name, "Robin," over and over, in a familiar voice . . .

-------

My eyes slowly crept open to see my dad's annoyed face. "Robin, Robin, wake up!"

So it was all a dream. But as I rose from the bed and headed towards the bathroom, a white blur zipped by the window.

"Was that an albino squirrel?"

Then I darted down the stairs and out the door in my pajamas to go investigate.