Noe, Very good detail. I was able to picture the scene nicely. I do recommend that you proof read a little more. You had some sentences repeated twice. Also, when you talk about wanting to go to the top to see for miles, you say that the thought crossed your mind. Well you have like two or three sentences all expressing that feeling or need. You only need one well constructed sentence for that instead of two or three. You also say you want and need to see for miles but in two different tey the same sentences. Try condensing these, as well as other sentences within the story. This will improve your writing and retain the readers attention longer. If you have any pictures, I suggest you incorporate them into your story. Last, for a bit of new information, I suggest you compare your visions with what Lewis and Clark may have seen years ago. Either expand on Lewis and Clark (which I strongly suggest) or you should take it out of the story. Good Job.