Tat, i really like the descriptions you give. You go into extreme detail including most all of the senses, smell, sight, hearing, and touch. Very good. I also like how you even talk about the insects, good detail. the main recommendation that can give you is to work on your grammar. If you go to the undergraduate writing center, they should be more than happy to help you with the grammar. Most of your mistakes are with verb tenses and incomplete sentences. Other than that, great job. Oh, maybe you should try and find some pictures to add to it. That would help a lot visually.