If I was you as that little girl, I would have been scared out of my mind to hear that ghost story. I think that you did a good job of writing your essay. I really liked how you talked about god and "nature's hymn" and how the sounds of nature made you feel. If I were you, though, I would attempt to add so more detail about what you saw in nature as a child. Things look very different to us as children and it might make your story a little more nature oriented if you describe what you saw as a child. Also, try to make your opening ghost story tie in a little better with the rest of the paper. It is really cute, but it doesn't really flow too well. Finally, watch your tense changes. You change lots of times and it is confusing.